TropeRoulette #1: Lethal Pixie 1

Two loose cannon cops fight to clean up their town. Also: a fairy godmother.

TroupeRoulette: Where 3 random tropes are taken from tvtropes and a short story is written around them. In 1 hour.

Tropes for today:

Ready, set, GO!


"Don't let them get away, Samuel!", Dave shouted as bullets flew in the narrow alley. He held his 9mm close to his side as he took cover behind a brick wall.

"Why don't you give me some cover then, dumbass!", Samuel shouted back as he tried to fit his 6-and-a-half-foot tall body behind a garbage bin. Sweat glistened on his ebony skin as bullets flew overhead. "Shoot the motherf*ckers so I can do my business!"

"I'm getting shot at too you know!", Dave replied as he tried to get a shot at the people on the other side of the alley. "Don't want my dear little Lizzie to lose her father just yet!"

"Oh, you boys are always getting into trouble." An affable elder lady floated down from above, wearing a bright green dress and fairy wings on her back. "Would you like some help?"

"We could use some motherf*ckin' help right now, Olivia!", Samuel cried at the elderly woman. "These f*ckers want our asses!"

"Oh alright then." Olivia floated above the alley, trying to get sight of the men shooting them. She saw 3 masked men, all armed with submachine guns spraying their bullets all over the alley. Two on the left, one on the right. She floated over and descended behind them.

"Now, now boys, be nice." She waved her magic wand and a dense white smoke filled the alley. Surprised from behind, the masked men turned and sprayed bullets where Olivia was. But she was no longer there. She had already floated 20 feet in the air and gave a signal to Dave and Samuel.

"NOW!", Dave shouted as he rushed towards their assailants. Samuel followed in close behind him, wielding his 5-foot long battle-axe. Dave dove to the ground as he rounded the corner guns blazing, bringing down the two men on the left. The man on the right took aim at Dave and was about to fire, but was interrupted by a swing from Samuel's axe.

"Oh no you don't," Samuel said as he brought his axe down on the man's head. It hit the man's skull, nearly cutting it in half.

"Looks like little Lizzie's still got a dad", said Samuel to Dave, satisfied in his work. "That's one more you owe me."

"Put it on my tab," quipped Dave. "Now let's see who these jokers are." They searched through the fallen men, pulling off their masks. A giant 'V' was tattooed on their foreheads.

"Goddamned Valentina again." Samuel cursed when he saw the marks. "She's been on our ass since we broke up her pixie dust lab."

"Well, watcha gonna do, it's part of the job", said Dave resignedly. "Just take the evidence and let's get back to the precinct."

Samuel hefted his battle-axe and took off the men's heads, each in one swing. He put the heads into clear plastic bags before putting them into a black duffel bag. The blood started to flow from the decapitated men's bodies, spilling onto the alley floor.

"Oh you boys are always so messy," Olivia said. She waved her magic wand and the bodies of the dead men dissolved into sparkling yellow powder. She moved her wand in a circle and the powder swirled into one of the open garbage bins. With one final wave she closed the bin's cover over it.

"Done? Let's go," said Dave, as he walked out the alley.


The trip to the precinct took thirty minutes in their unmarked police car. They passed graffiti-ridden streets filled with pixied-out orcs and street elves looking for their next John. Dale city had always been a dirty town, and with the arrival of pixie dust, it got even worse. The magic powder was the strongest drug on the market, and Valentina was its biggest source.

They arrived at the precinct just as Captain Jones was coming out of his office.

"What have you two assholes been doing!? Another shootout!", shouted the orc Captain in his loudest voice. "The abbess is going to be on my ass again for this!"

"Well you can tell her it's that bitch Valentina's fault her city getting all screwed up", Dave replied. "We only shoot people who shoot us. Besides, Captain, we may finally have a lead on how to get to Valentina's secret lair."

"Oh yeah?", the Captain said doubtfully. "And how is that?"

"With these," said Samuel as he poured the contents of the duffel bag on the precinct floor. The three wrapped heads rolled around on the floor before coming to a stop. "We can finally have the lab boys look into their heads to find Valentina's lair."

"Well I'll be goddamned", said the surprised Captain. "They've always turned into powder when we shot them. How'd you manage to get their heads whole?"

"With a little bit of fairy magic," Olivia interrupted. "I cast a binding spell on them before these young boys got them and it stopped the enchantment from triggering."

"And I cut their heads off with my axe," said Samuel. "Still feels good."

"Well, get on with it then," said the Captain. "Get to the lab and let's blow this case wide open!" Dave and Samuel picked up the heads and headed to the basement lab.


"What have you got for me boys?", the slim bespectacled elf lady at the lab table queried. "Anything good?"

"Only the best for you Pina," said Dave. "We finally got some whole Valentina henchmen heads."

"Ooooh, gimme!", Pina reached for the heads and placed them on the table. She started unwrapping them and placed them on magic-infused plates. "Now let's see what elven magic can do!" She starts waving her hands and speaking an incantation over the severed heads.

"I've always been fascinated by elven magic," Olivia said. "It is so different from our own fairy magic. I'm still always impressed how it can pull the images imprinted in dead brains so easily."

"Damned useful too," Samuel said. "We'd be up to our necks in unsolved cases if we didn't have elven magic in the force."

"Aaaand done," Pina said as she finished her spell. "Now let's see what's on the tape." She put the three magic plates on a projector and started it up.


The screen showed a dark tunnel lined with torches. They could see the 3 men walking along it, now unmasked and wearing monk's robes. They went along the tunnel until they reached a large metal door. It opened with a metallic screech and they went inside to a cavernous room filled with robed figures.

"Come to me my children", said a hooded dark figure who stood in the middle of the room. She was covered in dark robes and had a silver tiara, likely magic-infused, on her head. "Come to me and partake in the glory of pixie dust!" She raised her hands and sparkling yellow powder flowed out of them and spread through the room. The robed figures lost themselves inside the yellow cloud, their eyes filled in ecstasy.

"My children, there are those who would seek to destroy us! We must destroy them first, else the glory of the dust will be lost to the world!" The figure raised her hands in the air. "I command you all to seek these two out and destroy them!" A shining image floated in the air, showing Dave and Samuel.

"Do I look like that?" Dave said. "I can't be that old."

"Shush, let's see the rest", said Olivia.

"So go children, seek out these who would deny the world of pixie! Go!" The dark figure raised her face up high and her hood fell off her head. In the flickering light of the torches, a familiar face was shown.

It was the abbess.

"Oh hell, we're in deep shit now," said Samuel, his eyes wide as plates.


DONE, with 5:06 to spare.

fat4eyes 2018/8/1